“Shame” a Dangerous Word.

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Shame is a painful emotion caused by having done something wrong or improper. A feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you know you have done something wrong. Embarrassment. Dishonor. Disgrace.
Shame is an ugly word.
Where did it originate from?
The definition of shame is incomplete.
The shame I’m referring to is when you haven’t done anything wrong, but a person is sad, embarrassed or feels disgraceful because of societal standards.
The child who is selected last on a sports team due to lack of speed, ability, weight, or incoordination.
The family whose child makes a wrong choice and is condemned by the news media.
The unnecessary stress placed on an individuals shoulder to please friends, family, and others.

I recalled the great turmoil I felt every time I opened the mail or email displaying my results of the Texas Educator assessment and the score was less than 240. I felt so shameful. I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to share with anyone.
My dream job depended on me passing this assessment. I took the exam 13 times. Out of the 13 times, 3 times were free due to an incident at the testing center. I felt like a complete failure. I had all the skills, heart and qualification of a teacher but failed once again. The mark, the label, and the guilt stung deeply.

I recalled driving around in a car with no heat, using a blanket to stay warm. At the time, I couldn’t afford to fix the heat in the cold winter months.

Also, the time I tried to move away from home and 2 months later returning due to poor financial management.

Your mind plays games, hoping no one sees you. You become muzzled because of shame. The feeling of being an outcast or worthless.
Shame will affect your life in great ways. 
What will others think?
What will I say?
The shame of wanting society to think you’re good but in reality, you are barely making it. You find yourself not happy in a marriage, or as a parent, or hate your job or life.

People are ashamed due to the identity of whom they are or not.
People are ashamed because of uncontrollable habits.
People are ashamed of family parents, children, and siblings.
People are ashamed because of weight, height, race, pigmentation, culture, sex, and other factors.
People are ashamed because of withholding so much inside and never releasing how they truly feel.

Why let shame ruin your life?
Shame is disrespectful.
Shame is rude.
Shame is careless.
Shame is ugly.
Shame is painful.
Shame is not a friend.
Shame is a secret life, very secretive.
Shame is sneaky.
Shame is dangerous.

Shame will cause jealousy.
Shame will make you become isolated.
Shame will have you running from people.
Shame will have you hiding from family, friends, and associates.
Shame will have you pretending instead of being real.

Shame starts at a young age.
Shame starts a competition.
Shame starts envy.

If you feel sad, embarrass, or disgraceful due to things beyond your control I highly recommend the following steps:
1. Journal your thoughts.
2. Share how you feel with an accountability partner.
3. Read a book to overcome shame.

You are important, valuable, and loved! Don’t allow shame to ruin your life.


About Rolanda Burch Allen

Mentor, LeadHERship & Life Coach 2 Women - #CIPPSisters - Confidential, Independent, Personal & Private Sisters- Get Unstuck! #freedomgal #besetfree @willyouriseup @anowword RolandaBAllen.com
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