Broken Pieces…

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Everyone is looking for someone to BLAME!!!
Stop it! 

I work with children every day ages 4-5-year-olds.
I see the spirits operating in these little boys and girls.
In 2011, I left the classroom never looking back due to not passing the required teaching certification assessment.
To return 7 years later, I am living a life of disbelief. 
I have to ask God for grace, strength, and love daily.
The fruit of the spirit must be fully operating when engaging with students.
The beatitudes are the new normal.
Putting on the armor of God is required, or you will be defeated.
What happened to this generation?
The spirit of defiance is at an all-time high.
Respect for leaders, adults, and teachers are nonexistent.
I even question my own abilities.
Day in and day out.
Do I really want to work with children/students?
Speaking on the phone or in person with parents who are in desperation for help or hiding family secrets because of shame.
Do I really want to work with children/students?
The sudden outburst of anger, aggression, competition, envy, jealousy, sneakiness, withdrawals and the list can go on…
Do I really want to work with children/students?

Who do we blame?
Who can we blame?
Broken homes.
Broken families.
Broken mothers.
Broken fathers.
Broken systems.
Broken leaders.
Broken doctors.
Broken schools.
Broken pharmaceutical.
Broken environment.
Broken surroundings.
Broken atmosphere.
The soul is broken.

Lord, we need healing!

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I Will Not Break…

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Every once in a while, you must do a self-talk. I tell myself…

I refuse to break.
I refuse to crumble.
I refuse to give up.
I refuse to stop.

I will crawl.
I will slide.
I will tiptoe.
I will roll.
I will keep going.
I will keep moving.

No matter what it looks like.
No matter the results.
No matter the wait.
No matter who stops.
No matter what I see.
No matter what I hear.
I must.
I shall.
I will.
Go, go, go.
Do, do, do.
Say, say, say.
Yes, yes, yes

There are times life throws curveballs, fastballs, screwballs, gutter balls, or a changeup ball.

But, don’t lose hope.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in.

Stay in the race.
Take out your bat and play ball.

You gotta encourage yourself.
You gotta pat your own back
You gotta celebrate your small wins.

Life won’t always be like this.
This is only temporary.
This is a blink.
This is not the end.

It’s truly the beginning of a new you.
You are wiser, stronger, smarter, and better.
You survived the worst.

You can write the book.
You can wear the t-shirt.
You can teach the sermon.
You did it!!!

Remember, when life throws you a ball it time for self-talk, self-encouragement, and self-declarations.

 

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Pretty on the Outside

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Pretty on the Outside, No Content Inside

So disappointing!

So heartbreaking!

Looking for the perfect pair of shoes, dress, purse, and accessories.

However, when you get home, the pretty items didn’t meet your expectations.

Have you ever read a book and the wording or message just was blah? 

All recycled information from other authors?

Have you ever desired that one meal you’ve seen advertised in an article or on television? So, you visit the restaurant with your friends with high expectations, you’re given this beautiful plate, but the food tastes terrible? 

Have you ever waited for that movie to be released with your favorite stars?

You’re at the movies, eating your popcorn and the storyline leaves you puzzled? 

For the past 5 years, I purchased a yearly calendar to stay organized with assignments.  I used calendars while in college, for my daily to-do list and budget purposes. Well, today, I realized my traditional calendar which is cute and appealing on the outside is missing much-needed content inside. Meaning I need more content on the pages. 

My life has changed. My life has evolved on so many levels. I am not the same girl I was at the age of 15, 25, 35, or 45. I need much more with my active lifestyle. 

How many times have you fallen for the “Okie Dokie” because the outside package was hot, fine, and perfect? 

Don’t Answer!!! 

I will answer for you!

We all have at least once. 

No more pretty on the outside with weakness on the inside. 

You know this applies to your personal development and spiritual growth as well.

The outer shell is on point but your inner thoughts and heart are perplexed. 

Sit down and spend time thinking, writing, and envisioning your future journey. 

Purchase things that will grow with the new you. 

Guess what, this sister is upgrading. Gotta plan for the upgraded life. 

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I Need Space.

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My heart is screaming “SPACE.”
It’s been about 18 months since I moved back home with my parents.
I love my family.
I love my young adult children.
I love my parents.
I love my siblings.
I love my iPad.
I love my journals.
I love my cell phone.
But I need space.
I need isolation.
I need privacy.
I need quietness.
I need stillness.
I miss my independence.
I miss my peace.
I miss my life.
I miss my own kitchen.
I miss my own bathroom.
I miss my own huge closet.
I miss my own garage.
I miss my SUV.
I miss my contemporary living.
Starting over isn’t always easy.
I needed this time to reflect on me and prioritized my future.
I needed so much healing.
I needed to get my life together.
Yes, I missed my life, but I needed this moment to think.
I have grown by leaps and bounds.
The time with my family has been valuable.
Now, that I’m healed, I’m ready to fly again.
I’m ready to soar high.
Healing required me to declutter unnecessary baggage.
Holding on to old thoughts and beliefs just had to go forever.
Renewing the mind every day and sometimes throughout the day was mandatory.
I need space to do me… I need space to express my greatness.
I need space to explore my freedom. I need space to relax. I need space to enjoy everyday living. I need space to celebrate the new me.

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“Shame” a Dangerous Word.

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Shame is a painful emotion caused by having done something wrong or improper. A feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you know you have done something wrong. Embarrassment. Dishonor. Disgrace.
Shame is an ugly word.
Where did it originate from?
The definition of shame is incomplete.
The shame I’m referring to is when you haven’t done anything wrong, but a person is sad, embarrassed or feels disgraceful because of societal standards.
The child who is selected last on a sports team due to lack of speed, ability, weight, or incoordination.
The family whose child makes a wrong choice and is condemned by the news media.
The unnecessary stress placed on an individuals shoulder to please friends, family, and others.

I recalled the great turmoil I felt every time I opened the mail or email displaying my results of the Texas Educator assessment and the score was less than 240. I felt so shameful. I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to share with anyone.
My dream job depended on me passing this assessment. I took the exam 13 times. Out of the 13 times, 3 times were free due to an incident at the testing center. I felt like a complete failure. I had all the skills, heart and qualification of a teacher but failed once again. The mark, the label, and the guilt stung deeply.

I recalled driving around in a car with no heat, using a blanket to stay warm. At the time, I couldn’t afford to fix the heat in the cold winter months.

Also, the time I tried to move away from home and 2 months later returning due to poor financial management.

Your mind plays games, hoping no one sees you. You become muzzled because of shame. The feeling of being an outcast or worthless.
Shame will affect your life in great ways. 
What will others think?
What will I say?
The shame of wanting society to think you’re good but in reality, you are barely making it. You find yourself not happy in a marriage, or as a parent, or hate your job or life.

People are ashamed due to the identity of whom they are or not.
People are ashamed because of uncontrollable habits.
People are ashamed of family parents, children, and siblings.
People are ashamed because of weight, height, race, pigmentation, culture, sex, and other factors.
People are ashamed because of withholding so much inside and never releasing how they truly feel.

Why let shame ruin your life?
Shame is disrespectful.
Shame is rude.
Shame is careless.
Shame is ugly.
Shame is painful.
Shame is not a friend.
Shame is a secret life, very secretive.
Shame is sneaky.
Shame is dangerous.

Shame will cause jealousy.
Shame will make you become isolated.
Shame will have you running from people.
Shame will have you hiding from family, friends, and associates.
Shame will have you pretending instead of being real.

Shame starts at a young age.
Shame starts a competition.
Shame starts envy.

If you feel sad, embarrass, or disgraceful due to things beyond your control I highly recommend the following steps:
1. Journal your thoughts.
2. Share how you feel with an accountability partner.
3. Read a book to overcome shame.

You are important, valuable, and loved! Don’t allow shame to ruin your life.

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Life is Too Sweet

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Word of Caution!
Word of Wisdom!
Never argue with people.
Especially people with TITLES.
Just WATCH THEIR HEART!
Actions speak loud and clear…
It is ok to say, “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” and walk away.
Don’t lose sleep or waste energy.
Give them to God.

I am learning we all grow and develop at different speeds, times and seasons.
People will do what they want to do.
Peoples hearts and motives are deceptive.
God knows the heart of His children.
People think they know what’s best, however, what little they know.
You can see and hear the pain in their voice.
People are hurting.
People are bleeding for revenge.
How can I get even for the pain you inflicted in my life?
Let it go.
Stop saying you forgive and knowing deep down within you don’t.
You are hurting yourself.

I have been hurt, disappointed and crushed by people close to me, people I have trusted.
Leaders, family, friends, and associates but I released it.
As you mature, learning your identity and purpose in life your thought process changes.
You are no longer the same.
That was my past.
I have moved on.
My future is blissful.
I don’t and refuse to waste energy that is not in sync with my purpose.
Yes, I have to build trust in meeting new people.
I also, know the importance of boundaries.
My argumentive days are over.
Life is too sweet to lose energy and sleep.

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The Detour

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Some call it rebellion or witchcraft…
Others call it isolation or being out of order…
I call it…
My life, my journey, my wilderness, my path.
No, my life is not the typical “normal.”
No, I don’t share it with everyone.
No, I don’t follow the crowd.
No, I don’t view life as everyone else.
I do believe in God.
I do believe in Jesus.
I do believe in Holy Spirit.
I do believe in obeying His voice.
I do believe in signs.
I do believe in the Bible.
I do believe in supernatural.
I do believe in the power of rest.
I do believe in hearing from God for yourself.
I do believe in deliverance.
I do believe in healing.
I do believe in freedom.
I do believe in Spiritual Gifts.
I do believe in being Spirit led.
I do believe in the audience of one.
I do believe in Angels.
I do believe in community.
I do believe in the church.
I do believe in worship.
I do believe in meditation.
I do believe in having a relationship with God.
I do believe in talking and walking with God every day.
I do believe in unlimited access.
I do believe in living life without limits.
I do believe in miracles.
I do believe in the power of prayer.
I do believe in Jesus interceding for me.
I do believe everything I have been through God was with me.

The detour saved my life.
I grew up in church.
My parents are leaders in the church.
Until I established my own foundation in God through the Word, obeying His voice, identifying His voice, going through deliverance, allowing God to heal me and set me free…I was like everyone else.
Going down a path, trail, road with the same ole problems.
So grateful, I took a detour from the normal expectations!

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